Ok, lets hop in our time machine to December 2001. 10 long years ago, when my family (my DNA) was intact. My grandfather was alive. I was 22, carefree, and way skinnier. I loved my family ALL of them. My cousin whom is exactly 30 days younger than me was like a brother to me. We'd grown up side by side. Our biggest difference (other than gender) being he went to A.L. Brown, and I was a Spider (still am).
He had the cutest little girlfriend we welcomed her to our close-knit family with open arms. We dubbed her CindyLouWho, because she was tiny, blonde and well it was Christmas so the name stuck. Well, as relationships sometime go sour, theirs did. We were all a bit upset, but ultimately it wasn't our field to plow. Well, strangely 4 months later, she's seen and she's pregnant. But absolutely denies that the father is my cousin. Case closed..Right? (to be cont)
It seems that dear ol brother cousin of mine didn't take the break up too well. He began partying more, drinking more....just staight down "that" road. In Feb. of 2003 I moved to Kannapolis, happy with my new job, happy to be close to my friends and family again. I invited my cousin over for a little BBQ, yes BBQ in Feb ...I know. We had a few drinks, well he had enjoyed a few before he came, and a few more than me while grilled etc. I beleive you can see a pattern here. Well, around 11-ish the biggest, most appalling, disgusting, who the
Pause for dramatic effect.......................
Still with me? Ok, thank GOD my mother was there. I woke my mom and informed her that we had a situation. (The Sitch was unavailable for comment here). She and I took him home to his parents house. Without stopping in for explanation. I spent the remainder of the night in shock. The next day, I went to his house and confronted him about how gross and inappropriate he had been. His response "I'm glad you got that off your chest, now YOU can feel better" EXCUSE ME??????? WHAT????REALLY???? Needless to say, I do not attend family functions where he will be there for this reason alone. I make plans to see my family on alternate days. Other than 2 number changes (my number) and a handful of screaming cursing conversations pertaining to his lifestyle and utter disrespect. He is dead to me.
NOW.... remember the pregnant girl? Well, low and behold about a year ago she resurfaces. In true Maury style.... Gross Drunkard DeadBeat of a Cousin Brother....YOU ARE THE FATHER. Like I didn't see that one coming. So we as a family wait, myself willing to brave the bastard of a mother shut your mouth cousin, to see this precious little boy that has been born into the madness. And we wait. Wait. A year passes and I've had enough. I reach out to the mother, turns out she's no prize winning mom, but she made the conscience decision to give the child to her mother to care for him. He's been with his grandmother since age 2. So I call her, tell her I have no intention of associating with my cousin, that my intent is solely for my own 74 year old grandmother to see her ONLY great grandchild. The conversation was awkward but, we made it through. (This was just days ago mind you).
GUESS WHO IS P.O.'d ??? You guessed it. The cousin. He's so mad that I went behind his back. HUH? Don't you need to be a part of the childs life before you start dealing out terms and conditions? And furthermore, at last check I am a grown woman, perfectly capable of making a phone call and explaining my intentions. Bastard. So now, him, his mother, his father. Are all mad at me. Well, if there was some secret reasoning for NOT contacting the child. Let someone know, because from my stand point...They are all 3 doing this child a HUGE injustice. His parents pay the child support for him.... Let him live with them.... He's approaching 33....has a child...no job...an alcohol problem... and I'm in the wrong? Puh-lease. Raised by a single Mom, I have NO problem expressing my views on pieces of crap like him. My intent is genuine, the child should know that his paternal family is not full of rejection and shame. That he has family that is good, and wants to know him. Everyone wants to point the finger at me, that I'm doing something SOOOOO wrong. When I feel I'm the most rational normal one out of the equation. Not to mention my husband and I are parenting a child that biologically belongs to neither of us. We love our son with all that we are, DNA does not bind us together... LOVE does. And here this sorry excuse for a human, has a blood born child and denies him? Shuns his family for trying to bridge a ten year gap?
This one folks, is for the great Man upstairs to sort out in my heart. Prayer is my only option.
I had to rid my mind of all the "drama". Thank you Blog. Thank you readers. As Jerry Springer says "Take care of yourself, and each other."