Saturday, September 7, 2013

And so the trip began...

Alot can be said for a 30-something year old woman setting out on the road alone. For a 1700 mile drive. With a cat.

As I said in my previous entry the emotionally draining part of all this, was accepting what had happened. Also, not having a CLUE as to what was supposed to happen next. And ultimately, making a move across country.


There were things to get in order, such as a tune up on the car, new brakes, oil change etc. Mundane everyday things. I found myself so numb. Emotionless when it came to "normal". Auto-Pilot? Maybe. I was so wrapped up inside myself, and maintaining my composure it all became a blur. I am not anti-gun by any means. But, I don't own one. So, I purchased some pepper-spray and my best friend (bless her) gave me a hammer to stow beside my seat. Really?? A hammer?? Well, her intentions were beautiful. I love my Hammer...his name is Thor. :) Next packing my car, I have a lot of clothes,shoes, purses, keepsakes, notebooks, photos, etc. You see where this is going. Somehow, I got it all in there. Actually, thanks to my bestie and my Mom. We military rolled and compacted. WE MADE IT HAPPEN. Then there was my sweet cat Nimbus. Ok he's not that sweet, he's a male Manx. He is spoiled. He owns my heart. I insisted that he have a proper bathroom for this trip. Therefore the entire passenger side was his. No, exceptions. The floorboard became the "restroom" his little covered potty fit perfectly. His crate (luxury size) was in the seat. I even bought one of those sunshades people use for their kids. So he could see out but not be hot, or heaven forbid get sunburnt. ;-) He had a plush blanket and his favorite toy (although he didn't even play with it). I was determined my handsome man would at the very least be comfortable. He was my companion over countless miles, he deserved to ride in style.

Setting Out:

The morning I was set to leave, I kissed my teary-eyed Moma and promised to call. A LOT. Meaning every 100 miles in her book. My mother may be bat-poo crazy. But, I love her with all the love a daughter should. My mother has never stood in my way. She's given advice, she's also chewed my butt out. All in all, she's always encouraged me to follow my heart, my whims, my dreams. Letting me find my own way, trusting that I would make good decisions and stay strong. I thank her often for planting those seeds in my life. Because, of her I was able to stand up for myself, not be a doormat, and chase a new dream....Even if I wasn't sure how anymore.

The Open Road :

I wish I could say that I remember every moment. I must admit that the first "leg" of my trip is a blur. I remember Asheville and thinking I could just live there forever. I love that city. I remember crying as I crossed the state line into Tennesee, and thinking to myself "This is really happening." I can't explain the feeling of being so sad and so excited at the same time. I mean who gets to do this kinda thing??? Well, recently seperated women in their thirties get to.... ::sigh:: 

I've never been one to listen to country music, my genre has a huge spectrum from Classical to Grunge Metal. There was a memory attached to country music of my first love and I never really wanted to revisit it. I kept all of his memories (God rest him) seperate from every part of my life. But, there's something to be said about emotional Holocaust. You feel everything you've ever kept inside. Again.
So around GORGEOUS Knoxville I had the urge to listen. Why not make this trip an experience in music, emotion, beautiful scenery and coffee (lol)?  What rule book states that I must be a hot mess? If I'm going to be alone in my car for 3 days, I'm going to do some soul searching, heart mending, let the emos roll self therapy!!! I stopped at K-ville S-bucks and had a Tall Mocha Latte' the biggest sin in my life!!! Downloaded every old 80's-90's country song I could think of and set out for Nashville. Pretending I could actually play guitar... and well at least I CAN sing. Chasing a dream of being the next Dolly Parton or Shania Twain. My singer name was Jacqueline Jones. Cause it sounded elegant and common. It was so much fun to just live in that moment. Sing those old songs, cry when they made me sad, press the gas when I was feeling free, and just be myself. Being carefree and not thinking of my yesterdays or tomorrow. Just that day. The state of Tennesee is absolutely gorgeous. Rolling highways, the Great Smokies, and really clean bathrooms!!! Chattanooga is a fun name to say. I mean this state has it all. I decided I will retire to Tennesee, Gatlinburg if possible. The miles stretched on and I felt safe, enjoying myself for the most part.I'm going to sound so Forrest Gump right now. But, when I got hungry. I ate. When I got tired. I stopped. When I got bored. I sang. Trully Day 1 was so much fun!!! I reached Kentucky by nightfall and sang Blue Moon of Kentucky keep on shining... These moments may sound cheesy but I was having the time of my life!!!

*Nimbus Log - My feline casanova, slept. Drank water, mewled at me a few times. Got that dreamy prince look on his face when I sang. He did really good.

My next entry will be about nightfall in Kentucky and Illinois, finding a pet friendly hotel, and Nimbus at the hotel. (Really can't wait to tell his story.)

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

She's back!

Hey y'all!

I know its been forever. I really thought I had created another blog. But I can't find it anywhere.


I decided to revamp this one and take it in stride.
(Non-disclosure statement of sorts)
***I have no desire or intention to use this to bash my ex-husband. However, I'm sure in laying some ground work it is bound to happen. I apologize now for that. But, let it be known there are no hard feelings, matter of fact. :tilts head: There are no feelings at all attached to the former. Understood? Great. Let's move on to the fun stuff.***

WOW so its been a long time since I last shared. So I'm going to touch on some hi-lites and revisit the past in a timeline format. K??? ;-)

In July of 2012 I made the decision to leave my husband. Because of circumstances beyond my control. I can forgive someone once for a mistake. Twice IS A CHOICE. Especially, when there is *seemingly* a common goal between the two of you. Sometimes people lose sight of their goals because they are too weak to admit they can't. Or they are too selfish to think beyond themselves. Sometimes things just don't work. You can not make wrong right. Nor can you trust someone when they shatter it...again.

I have never been so scared in my life. Where do I go? What do I say to people? What about my precious Christian? What about my job? What about me? Imagine these questions in a vortex swirling up the fragments of your broken heart and exhausted mind! In true Southern girl fashion..... I went to my MOMA. I spent 3 days in full blown hermit stage, in my old sweats,kleenex box in the bed, covers over my head. Then like a scene out of  a really good chick flick I got mad. I'm talking Angela Bassett (Waiting to Exhale) MAD!
I have never tapped into that inner "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" part of myself. But, I tell ya what. I didn't take it out on Chris. I mean why should I give him the satisfaction. NO. I got my ass out of that bed. Did my hair and make-up, looked myself in the eyes and said. I WILL NOT LET THIS BREAK ME.

So begins the next phase.

I am fortunate to have amazing friends all over the USA. I contacted an old friend/ex. Not with romantic intent. Please lets not go there.  Simply this man knows ME. And we had a long history of saving each other from ourselves since our twenties. So, the decision was made. I was going to South Dakota to rebuild myself. ROAD TRIP!!!!!! YAYYYY!!! I was so so so so excited. Yes this is what I needed! Nothing says "I'm done", like moving 1700 miles across the country. Right? Little did  I know I would change more than just my address. My entire being was about to be transformed. Physically, Mentally, Spiritually. Everything put into perspective. Everything. Praise the Lord. It is Him that set me free.

Things I experienced on the road:
3.Sensory Overload
4.Emotional Outburst of the 3rd Kind
5.Pet Bonding Level: EXPERT
6.Public Restroom Phobia vs. No choice
8.Pet friendly hotels ??? Anyone?
9.For the love of ICED COFFEE
10.Nobody knows it but me

It is my full intention to do a break 0ut explaining all of these. Some very serious. Others just for fun!

As this trip began my journey to new awareness of self. I really don't want to focus on 2011-12. We can just chalk that up to a hard lesson learned. So help me stay on track guys I know you want to hear about my journey. And I really want to share. :-) Summer 2012 to Summer 2013 has been an amazing year. With ups, downs, a few U-turns but ultimately a beautiful ride.